Let me preface this post (soon to be rant) by saying upfront that I am an unabashed technologist. I work for a web startup down in San Mateo, I used to be a web programmer, and I keep busy by playing the most popular computer game in the world, World of Warcraft.
In addition, I'm on all of the major social networking sites: Tribe, Friendster, MySpace, and... Facebook.
I dig Facebook. Building a zombie army so I could beat down my friends is fun as hell! Bringing back The Oregon Trail is the coolest! And while I'm not a Scrabble enthusiast, I can see the appeal of playing Scrabulous online.
BUT.
I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.
The FunWall/SuperFun Wall/Poke/SuperPoke etc. shit is driving me fucking crazy.
I've never been forwarded as many stupid videos, as well as Snopes fodder on web hoaxes (listen, and I swear to you - adding a friend to your Facebook profile in no way puts your email inbox in peril.) I swear, I promise that this is the case, now STOP FUCKING FORWARDING ME SHIT ON MY FUNWALL!
I'm sick to death of stupid videos of people being stupid, or pets doing stupid things. I swear to fucking God, it's like getting spammed by America's Funniest Home Videos.
And Poke/Super Poking? Don't even get me started on that. What the fuck is a "poke?" Stop poking, prodding, bitchslapping, hadouken'ing (although I do dig the SF II reference).
If you want to say hi, say hi. Write me a nice personalized message on my Wall. Not my FunWall, or Super FunWall.
I'm gonna cut this post short, since I gotta go take down my FunWall and SuperPoke. Stupid apps.
You all have been given official notice. Blast me any pokes or funwall fodder, and I'll break into your house tonight and shit on your pillow.
Seriously.
-Shim
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Ode to Glass
by: Erock
Glass panes taken from the picture frames that I converted into stylish albeit mildly ghetto bulletin boards with a bit of cork tile and craft glue-
Glass panes sitting on my crowded bedroom floor, along side my desk. Will you continue to collect dust indefinitely? Will I trip over you both one morning on my way to check my email on the way out the door causing a gouge in the floor and a slice on my heel and a ruined sock and a missed bus? But I cannot throw you away.
Glass panes, untapped potential, good times in the making, very functional… somehow...
And I’ve never etched glass before, and there is no time like the present.
Glass panes, waiting patiently aside my desk on the cold hardwood floor while I occasionally google ‘glass etching’ and then refuse to buy more craft supplies. Not to mention that glass etching chemicals are toxic. I then google ‘environmentally friendly glass etching’. How invisible you must feel as I walk passed you every day, not to mention that you are by nature transparent.
And then one day as I meander down Haight Street on my way home, I see a picture frame, made only from a glass pane with two holes drilled for mounting and a ribbon hanger. I gain true vision for the lonely and cold glass that sits on my floor, and it’s all perfectly clear.
All I have to do is figure out how to drill holes in your delicate glass surface, then find trendy picture frame stencils and paint onto my glass panes, and THEN … THEN I will utilize you for creative and functional purposes.
I google ‘how to drill glass’, and find diamond drill bits for the dremel. I wonder to myself if these diamond drill bits are conflict free. I then wonder if sometimes I wonder too much. I silently attempt to push from my mind the image of small children in Sierra Leone losing an arm for my goddarn diamond drill bits purchased so that I may save two panes of glass from the garbage can.
I google ‘dremel’ and find an amazing multifunctional tool. This tiny yet powerful machine drills, grinds, sands… I could get rid of my sonicare and use it for oral care (if I wanted to…). I must own a dremel. Dremels are extravagant, disposable and unnecessary. I should never own a dremel. My internal battles rage on (more accurately… my internal debates continue. I just thought battles raging was a much more dramatic image).
And still, my glass panes, you sit next to me now as I blog about planning to etch your surface or drill holes through your depth save my resistance to buy more craft supplies. And still you collect dust and patiently wait. And what about those poor children in Sierra Leone?
Glass panes taken from the picture frames that I converted into stylish albeit mildly ghetto bulletin boards with a bit of cork tile and craft glue-
Glass panes sitting on my crowded bedroom floor, along side my desk. Will you continue to collect dust indefinitely? Will I trip over you both one morning on my way to check my email on the way out the door causing a gouge in the floor and a slice on my heel and a ruined sock and a missed bus? But I cannot throw you away.
Glass panes, untapped potential, good times in the making, very functional… somehow...
And I’ve never etched glass before, and there is no time like the present.
Glass panes, waiting patiently aside my desk on the cold hardwood floor while I occasionally google ‘glass etching’ and then refuse to buy more craft supplies. Not to mention that glass etching chemicals are toxic. I then google ‘environmentally friendly glass etching’. How invisible you must feel as I walk passed you every day, not to mention that you are by nature transparent.
And then one day as I meander down Haight Street on my way home, I see a picture frame, made only from a glass pane with two holes drilled for mounting and a ribbon hanger. I gain true vision for the lonely and cold glass that sits on my floor, and it’s all perfectly clear.
All I have to do is figure out how to drill holes in your delicate glass surface, then find trendy picture frame stencils and paint onto my glass panes, and THEN … THEN I will utilize you for creative and functional purposes.
I google ‘how to drill glass’, and find diamond drill bits for the dremel. I wonder to myself if these diamond drill bits are conflict free. I then wonder if sometimes I wonder too much. I silently attempt to push from my mind the image of small children in Sierra Leone losing an arm for my goddarn diamond drill bits purchased so that I may save two panes of glass from the garbage can.
I google ‘dremel’ and find an amazing multifunctional tool. This tiny yet powerful machine drills, grinds, sands… I could get rid of my sonicare and use it for oral care (if I wanted to…). I must own a dremel. Dremels are extravagant, disposable and unnecessary. I should never own a dremel. My internal battles rage on (more accurately… my internal debates continue. I just thought battles raging was a much more dramatic image).
And still, my glass panes, you sit next to me now as I blog about planning to etch your surface or drill holes through your depth save my resistance to buy more craft supplies. And still you collect dust and patiently wait. And what about those poor children in Sierra Leone?
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